Moment of weakness

30 Jan

Food allergies have really got me down.

I restrict my diet to baby E’s allergies because I’m nursing. Even though she hasn’t reacted to everything via breastmilk, it isn’t worth cross contaminating her food or me touching something and then touching or kissing her. I just don’t want to risk it.

There comes a point where you just feel defeated. I have tried to stay so positive. I think I’m doing a pretty good job, but here is my moment of weakness. I’m just so afraid! She reacted to dairy and peanuts from birth via breastmilk. We delayed solids and practiced baby led weaning to possibly help. She didn’t eat food until I was sure she really wanted it. Things went ok. Then she had a reaction. Then another. Then another.

Our current list? Egg, dairy, oat, soy, peanut, legumes (including green beans), watermelon. Possibly rye, corn, and squash.

She wants to eat. She really does. I’m just scared to feed her most things. There is nothing more terrifying then having your infant crying in pain as she scratches her patches of hives. My place setting includes an epi pen.


But you know what, its what has to be done. We will get through this. She will be a healthy, vibrant little girl and we will keep her safe. 

Food allergies and more

19 Jan

Life is pretty good. 

My PPD has waned and I’m feeling pretty awesome. The Husband has a “real” job now and man…that is nice. Helloooooooo health insurance. My big kid was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder (SPD) and anxiety, which is a relief. A doctor took note of some quirks and its nothing a little occupational therapy and physical therapy can’t help. We’ve found some really great tricks for managing the times when he becomes too overwhelmed and life has improved exponentially for him.

The baby is fantastic. Somehow she is 7 and a half months. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?! Army crawling just before 6 months, she started crawling 2 days after she hit 7 months. I don’t even know what this kid is doing. She stands up and walks along the edge of the couch. She is exhausting.

She is also an allergy kid. Since birth we have suspected food allergies because of her reactions to milk and peanuts through breastmilk, so I have abstained. Well, since starting solids she has had a few reactions. I took her to an allergist and her skin testing turned up positive for egg white, egg yolk, peanut, milk and casein, dogs. We got a blood draw to confirm the positives and we’ll have an action plan by the end of the week. In addition, she has reacted to watermelon and green beans. Its rough. She wants to eat, but we have to be so careful about ingredients and cross contamination. Since she eats anything I eat (via breastmilk), I have to adjust my diet as if I also had the allergies. It certainly makes things difficult when dining out. Whatever I can do to keep her safe though. Seeing your infant panic through an uncomfortable reaction is no fun and I’m just thankful we haven’t had any anaphylaxis. 

That being said, I am ridiculously excited to plan a little birthday getaway for myself. Disney is phenomenal with food allergies and I’m so looking forward to a giant bathtub, chilled wine, and being served amazing meals that are safe to eat.

Livin’ the life, let me tell you :)

On a more positive note…

30 Oct

Take a look at that smile!




I seriously don’t know how she got to be such a big girl. Seems like just yesterday I was grunting on the edge of my bed and cursing the world :)

She’s pretty much the happiest baby in existence. Right now, she’s snuggled up next to me snoring away…she caught big brother’s cold so she won’t leave my side. Even through the snots and the coughing she is laughing and playing. My little miracle baby.

PSA time

30 Oct

We’re going to have some serious talk before I get to the fun baby stuff.

I abandoned the blog (again), but I had my reasons. I am dealing with post partum depression. I’m saying it. I can do that now. It was a long time to accepting it, but I am. I bottomed out and got help and I’m working so hard. I know no one reads this, but on the off chance that another mom stumbles upon this and is reluctant to get help, let me just say this:

Its not your fault. You are a good mom. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

As mothers, we beat ourselves up over every little thing so its no wonder that when you start to feel not in control or those baby blues sink into something more, we panic and then blame ourselves even more. Please don’t. Every new mom has to deal with a slew of hormones that can go off the wall. I’ll admit it, I was embarrassed. I pride myself on being a totally involved mom and my family is my life…so when I could barely drag myself out of bed, when laundry piled up, when dinner wasn’t made I was just ashamed that I wasn’t taking care of things. That I wasn’t being the mom I should be. It only made the PPD symptoms worse. I was worried that if I went to a doctor, they would give me meds and make me stop breastfeeding and frankly, that was the one thing that I could do that made me feel good. I didn’t want to risk losing that.

There are options. So many options. There are meds you can take that won’t effect your milk supply. There are supplements you can take if you prefer homeopathics and herbs. Don’t underestimate the power of talking with a therapist or counselor. People love you. You’re not alone. You can do this. 

I’m not perfect, but I’m ok with that. I’m not 100% better, but I’m working on it. We’ll get through it :)



Here are some helpful links if you or someone you know is dealing with postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety:

Postpartum Support International

Postpartum Dads                     

Postpartum Progress              

Crunchy Moms

28 Jul

There comes a point in ones life when you have realizations…

Like when you’re nearly topless from a marathon cluster feeding session holding your baby that is currently dressed in a fitted cloth diaper and baby legs, inhaling the top of your baby’s head because it smells like coconut oil and lavender oil while looking at webpages for amber necklaces and woven wraps for babywearing that were linked in your homebirth discussion group…

Its moments like these that you realize, yep. I’m one of THOSE moms.

Crunchy mom power!!!!

Cloth Diapers

6 Jul

Soooo I love my diapers. I have all sorts…prefolds, pockets, fitteds, AIO. You know what else I love? Diaper affiliate programs. I can earn gift certificates when people buy using my link. I LOVE my Diaper Safari pockets even more then the Fuzzibunz and Bum Genius 4.0s. Frankly, they keep her drier, are SUPER soft, and the microfiber insert holds a LOT. Love the choice of colors, too. The cross-over snaps make them fit skinnier babes and the overall dipe is just soft and not stiff (BG feel so bulky in comparison). Oh, and did I mention that they are very inexpensive? $13.95/diaper is standard, but they have sales OFTEN. Prices get marked down to $8.95 or BOGO…and ALWAYS free shipping! What? Oh thats right :D

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love all my dipes, but I wanted to let you know WHY I like my Diaper Safari ones before shamelessly putting a link up here. So, without further ado…

Better late then never

27 Jun

Pics from the birth! None during since it went so fast :) Here’s one taken a few days before she was born.


Huge! And then…we got to meet our little girl!




Check out the moudling on that noggin! Image

She was a hefty girl. No wonder it felt like I was carrying a bowling ball in my pelvis those last  few days.


Big brother got to help our midwife with the newborn exam. He was totally in awe of his baby sister…Image


Giving his sister her first “bath”. Soo much vernix in her hair!

ImageLoving on the girl.


Hello world. Introducing Emma Rose.


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